Stepping into Freedom

Last week I wrote about freedom, which you can find here. Shortly after I’d hit the publish key, it all changed in the UK: our Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, put us into lockdown. Yet, our freedom to choose remains.

Yesterday evening, after a very long day solo-parenting, I went for a walk. More precisely, I put my coat on, grabbed my earphones, plugged them into some loud worship music, shoved my trainers on and ran out of the door. Before too long I reached a railway bridge and walked underneath, just as a train shuddered across above me.

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It was strange. Here I was, singing along to the lyrics:

“I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who you say I am.
You are for me, not against me. I am who you say I am.”
(Who You Say I Am, Hillsong Worship)

Yet, I’d reached the evening of a day questioning all of that. You’ve chosen me, God? Really? You’re with me, God? Really? You say who I am, but who even am I? The reply comes:

“I’m a child of God.
Yes I am.”
(Who You Say I Am, Hillsong Worship)

How could I, even for a moment, question all that I know to be true? As I walked under the bridge, with the train juddering across, I didn’t doubt for a moment that the bridge would hold and not crush me as I walked beneath. It struck me, in that moment, that I trust human engineering readily and yet in the last week have not been entirely trusting of God.

Stepping into freedom requires us to let go of whatever we are holding on to, and trusting God to hold it for us. What has struck me since my walk is that I keep saying, “I’m just about clinging on.” Clinging on to what? It certainly isn’t God, in spite of my daily prayer and study of the Bible. Perhaps I am in mourning for the things lost? Clinging on to the what could have beens and what should have beens. Perhaps I am in denial around how little control I actually have over all of this? Clinging on to the control I do have. Perhaps it is something else that I am clinging to.

This week I’ve been on virtual retreat with some friends from college and we’ve been thinking about the idea of coming home with Jesus. One of the threads which has come up for us all is this idea that Jesus breaks all that binds us, in order that we can be free. In this new rhythm of life, I need to spend some time thinking about what it is that I am holding on to. And then I need to let go of it and entrust it to God.

Just as that bridge held as the train rattled across, God’s love for us all holds even as the impact and ripples of Covid-19 are felt in our lives. However you’re feeling right now, know that God is with you and for you.

“No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.”
(Joshua 1: 5, New Living Translation)

You Make Me Brave: Renewed Hope

Recently I came across this version of a favourite song of mine. A few things really struck me, and I was in tears by the end.

This is a song about bravery, and how we can rely on God for strength in hard times. But more than that, it’s about stepping out in faith. There is something incredible about watching these children run and dance, bare footed in the forest, mark their territory, almost like warriors… a symbol of bravery. Jesus says to us though, to come to him like little children. That could mean many things. Children are eager, loving, forgiving, demanding, playful. But they’re also brave. They bear their hearts and souls on the playground, and are upset about things that we think are ridiculous. Day in, day out, they play and fight; they see hurt, and experience it too; they worry, and they care. And then when they’re done doing all that, they do it all again with smiles on their faces. Children are resilient and they are capable of loving fiercely. Children are brave.

What also struck me, though, is that we live in a cruel world. A world of comparisons: who is prettier? Who is funnier? Who is smarter? We think this just applies to us, but it affects our children. There are reports of children as young as 5 with body image issues, and children with mental health issues before they leave primary school. The world tells our children that they must look and act a certain way in life; they must perform; they must be ‘on’. All the time. How demanding! Is it any wonder there are reports of children crying themselves to sleep every night over SATs? Is it any wonder that young girls doll themselves up for Instagram selfies, when they should just be reading a book in their pjs at home?

This video, and song, speaks of a different truth though. It says, there is something bigger than me in life. It says, I am known, loved and valued. It says, because of these truths, I have peace. It says, I am brave. And that gives me renewed hope for my own daughter.

My prayer: that she will grow up knowing she is valued and loved; that she will love fiercely; that she will speak the truth loudly; and that she will shine her beautiful light bravely into this dark world.