Last night I barely slept a wink. Not only had my back decided to be cruel to me, but I lay awake thinking about going back to work. Thoughts rushed through my head.
Will she eat? Will she be able to self soothe? Will she just cry the whole time? Will she feel abandoned? Will she miss me? What if she doesn’t miss me? Am I doing the right thing? Is it too soon? Should I have gone back earlier?
And then, I had the thoughts actually relating to my job. I am starting at a new school where I’ve never taught before. I’m working in Year 6, which I haven’t done since my training. What if I can’t do it? What if I’m actually rubbish? What if my new colleagues don’t like me?
You may sense a recurring theme across much of my blog, as I talk about my faith and my faults. Trusting God completely is something I have struggled with in the past, but I know I must do it once more. This new job is so perfect. I was really blessed to have it given to me. If I trust in Him, I know I can enjoy a peace and joy that nothing earthly can bring. I know I can be hopeful about my future as a working mum.
Of course I look back on the last 8 months and wonder if I could have done more with the time I’ve had with my little girl. Could I have gone to more groups? Probably. Does it matter? Probably not. Another new chapter is unfolding in my life.
The saga of the working mum is finally here.